Why I’m Proud of Walla Walla University

I’m a 5th-generation Seventh-day Adventist. I’m about to become a 3rd-generation teacher. Countless aunts, uncles and cousins have been or are currently teaching in the SDA school system. Until I was 18, I was sure what I believed. I was a stereotypical Adventist kid. It was then that I had to work through some issues, interestingly enough regarding perfection, before resuming my place in the church. It was then that I went as a student missionary to Pohnpei, where I taught high school Bible and history, was ordained as an elder and became essentially the youth pastor. Though difficult at times, it was a positive experience. My SM year isn’t the point right now. It’s merely the beginning of this story.

Since my return, I struggled to find a place in American Adventism. I felt unneeded after having been relied upon so heavily in spiritual matters. I was excited to return to “minister” at Walla Walla University. However, I struggled to find a spot in ministry. It seemed no one needed help. I realize now I wasn’t looking in the right places. But discouragement led slowly to a lack of time spent with God in general. Within a year, I woke up one morning not knowing if I believed in God at all. This was especially nerve-wracking considering my history and my status as a religion major.

Being a student at an SDA school, I clammed up about my doubts. I merely told inquirers that I was struggling a bit and received several “I’ll be praying for you” statements. I was cynical. I expected no one here to understand and to be shunned for doubting and lose any job prospects in SDA education if I even mentioned my thoughts. My few attempts at sharing had received mixed results, with some friends supportive and others critical.

Besides being confused, I was unhappy. I tried to mask it, but it was probably quite evident. At least it was to my religion advisor, Alden Thompson. I’d gone into his office only to discuss my class schedule. However, he wished to discuss my spirituality. I was skeptical, yet he pushed on. So, I let it all out. This made me nervous. I was divulging doubt to a “rock” of Adventism. I didn’t know what to expect. Instead of criticism, I received genuine concern and interest. This was the beginning of weekly meetings to discuss God and life. Every Friday at 8 a.m. from January to June I met in his office, minus the few times mental lapses allowed me an hour extra sleep (combined with an apologetic e-mail).

I’m sure I frustrated Dr. Thompson each week. Not only was I not readily convinced of Christianity and a personal God, but my reasoning was redundant and I wasn’t trying as hard as I’d promised. However, he kept inviting me back. He was rather persistent. He e-mailed me quotes, suggested reading material and always promised that he’d be praying for me. This time I believed it. He told me his story with God and assigned me to discuss my doubts with other trusted faculty. It was all helpful.

Simultaneously, two religion classes had a profound impact on my life: Christian Ethics and Spirituality & Discipleship. Drs. Pedrito Maynard-Reid and Jon Dybdahl were not only failed to criticize my doubts, but offered to listen as well.

This is where this blog’s title comes in. I had certain expectations of Adventist education. I expected staunch fundamentalism. I expected to be essentially excommunicated for verbalizing doubt. However, that was not my experience. I was encouraged by each faculty member with whom I discussed my doubts. I was made to feel comfortable in discussion yet uncomfortable with my state of doubt.

I believe I would have been happy no matter where I’d gone to college. It’s simple: I like learning and I like people. However, I doubt I would have been so well received anywhere else. I was respected. This is why I’m proud to be affiliated with Walla Walla University. I wouldn’t change my experience for anything.

I’m still not entirely sure what I believe. However, I find myself stepping closer and closer towards Christianity each day. I want to be more than a hopeful deist. I want purpose. I want community. I want to be someone like Jesus. I want to believe He was the Son of God. There is nothing more positive in this world than the biblical story of Christ. I want to believe.

I’m curious to see where I end up. Join me in continued searching.