failure

I'm a workaholic.

I always have been.

As a freshman in high school, I worked so much and spread myself out so much that I had only 1-2 hours a night even available to do homework.

In Pohnpei, my roommates had to kidnap me from my classroom sometimes. I had trouble saying no and was thus involved in the following: JV basketball coach, boys and girls softball coach, debate coach, church elder, youth leader (vespers, Sabbath School, hospital ministry, prison ministry, etc.). I didn't sleep.

08-09 school year = 30+ hours work per week between 3 jobs.

09-10 school year = The Collegian and my senior paper

This school year, it's directed reading. Lots of it. I need to read 5000 pages for just 6 of my 16 credits.

I'm behind. Hundreds of pages behind already. I've already turned in an essay late. I'm beginning to stress. A lot. I have options, none good, each expensive. I know it's false, but I feel as though I'm a failure if I don't finish everything. However, I don't think it's possible to do all my reading while also working 15 hours... I don't know what to do. I feel like I've been superhuman (and too stressed to be happy) in the past and I feel like I'm abandoning that part of myself right now and that I'm failing myself and everyone.

I just want everything to work out.